A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice."
The priest says, "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everybody!"
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..."
The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of my customers."
"Okay," says the customer. "I'll tell it very slowly."
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.